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Friday, 30 November 2018

30/Nov/18 is Santa Claus Canadian


Good morning Cape Breton.

Maximus Handsomius here from my forever home.

So I heard a few people really enjoyed yesterday's post and the excerpt from facebook.  Well in that theme, here is another post.

This was originally posted on 18th of May 2007


This happened at the beginning of April 2007. But it still doesn't make it any less real. I had sent this around to a few good friends at work, and suddenly, it was sent to everyone at work. Anyways, here is the body of the e-mail:


Hi guys,

Thursday, Tonya had asked me if I would make Chinese Food, from scratch, for her father and her sister. I said OK.

Friday, Tonya went to the hospital to visit with a friend (say "awww, that's so sweet), cause that really nice of her... Anyways, a good cook always samples what he is making. Also, a cook will sometimes cook with wine. Also, the cook must test the wine to see if the wine is still palatable.

By 11:00 am, I started sampling the wine. Yup, it was good enough to cook with.

By 1:30 pm, Tonya came back with her father and dropped him off. She went to get her sister and went to get her hair done. By 4:00 pm, when Tonya and her sister arrived, the Chinese Food was done and ready to eat. Both the father-in-law and myself had opened about 6 bottles of wine by then.

After supper, I decided to lay down and sleep off some of the more trouble some parts of drinking wine. Round about 6:30 or so, Tonya said that the neighbors were having a fire in their outdoor chiminea. Could we please have one? Certainly could. I needed her to goto Petro-Canada to get some of that wood they sell in the onion bag.

She came back to see me finally put our chiminea at the top of our driveway.

We put some wood inside the chiminea and stuffed some flyers around the wood. I was going to make some kindling, but why do that when you are pissed drunk? You could seriously hurt yourself with an axe. Safety first!

So I tried for 10 min with a dead BBQ starter to light the flyers. As you can imagine, no success. So it finally dawned on me to look at how much butane was in the BBQ starter. Empty. So I went in the house to find another, fuller one.

Success! Armed with the new BBQ starter, I advanced on the flyers. I swear, the folks in Cape Breton must know that people have tried to start fires with their flyers and have treated the flyers with a anti-flame making material. The flyers would glow on the edges, but no flame. Damnation! But, being quick thinking, I thought about the gasoline that I have in the garage. So off I went to get the jerry can.

Of course, Tonya told me to be careful. I brushed off her comments with disdain. Women, what do they know?

As I tipped the jerry can over the top of the chiminea, there must have been a glowing edge on one of the flyers...

WOOF! FLAMES! Hey, now that's a FIRE! Holy crap! Everything is on fire! My sneaker was on fire. My jerry can was on fire. Holly crap, the gasoline inside the jerry can was on fire. Our dog, who was on his nylon lead, shot away from the fire. Dogs aren't stupid ya know.

Again, refer back to the point where I state that I am quick thinking. I had presence of mind not to drop the jerry can as that would splash gasoline everywhere! But I knew that holding on to the jerry can any longer was going to be futile as well. So I started my turn, and the flames shot across my hand holding the jerry can. Hey, that's hot, said my mind, let it go. So my body, being the servant of the mind, did as it was told. I opened my hand and the jerry can, having it's own forward momentum started it's downward decent.

Bumb. Splash goes the gasoline. Oh yea, don't forget, the gasoline inside the jerry can was burning. So there is now burning gasoline flying out of the jerry can. It was spraying everywhere!

It splashed up over my car. Holy Crap! My car was on fire! My driveway was on fire. My dog's leash was sprayed with the flaming gasoline. He was freaked out! He was trying to run away, as any smart animal would. See the above paragraph where I state that dogs are smart. So he is trying to get away from his flaming lead. But this isn't working too good for him. He gets hooked around Tonya, and her wine went flying. Now she is trying to stomp on his lead to put it out. But you have to remember how tall Tonya is. She is not accomplishing much by trying to stomp on his lead which is at her waist height, oh yea, don't forget the fact that the leash is on fire too.

Now I am more concerned about my car, than about my dog. For some reason, my mind focused on the car. You know guys and their one tracked mind. So I got my car keys out and got into the car. Now, remember when I stated that Tonya went to the gas station to get some wood? Well, she was the last person to drive the car. So the seat was way forward. I tried to get it. Now, being in the moment, I managed to get into the car and actually got it started. But because the seat is so far forward, and I am so petite (NOT!), my belly was honking the car horn. Excessively. Ad-nauseum. HOOONNNK. I was so upset that my neighbors would look out their windows to see what the hell was going on with me honking my horn on the car, that they would obviously see the fire. I was trying to get the car in reverse. But you have to press on the brake to get the car out of park. But with the seat so far forward, I was having a lot of difficulty doing that. The horn was honking and I was getting very excited to say the least. Finally I was able to press the brake and take the car out of park. The car wouldn't move. I couldn't take my foot off the brake to get the car to move backwards. I twisted my foot around and the car started to move away from the flaming driveway. I was actually pushing the car backwards with my left foot too, I was just that excited.

I got the car stopped, and shut off the engine and slammed the door. The gas that was sprayed up on to the car went out on it's own. Hooray!

Again, I didn't really notice Tonya trying to stomp on our dog's lead. She was excited about something, but the gas that was pouring out of the jerry can was lighting more and more of my grass on fire.

I looked over at the driveway and that fire went out on it's own. Thank God for small miracles.

But now the jerry can was melting. This allowed a big glut of gasoline to pour out. FLAMES! 15, 17, 19, cripes, flames 25 FOOT LONG are shooting across my lawn! Cripes, everyone in the neighborhood is going to know that something is going wrong in my yard.

Remember when I said that I was intelligent? Well I knew well enough not to try and stomp that particular fire out. I also knew not to go and get some water to put on that fire, as I would then have a floating gas fire.

I knew to go into the house, and find my CO2 extinguisher.

Armed with that CO2 extinguisher, I felt invigorated. I attacked the fire. I put the fire out. I was the master over fire.

As I looked over at the chiminea, it was no longer burning either.

Without flames.

Devout and devoid of the intended purpose I had set out to do in the first place.

Crap.

I went and got some more flyers.

Try as I might to start the fire without gasoline, I was at a lost to provide the entertainment that Tonya had wanted. A simple fire was out of my reach.

We decided to pack it in and go watch some TV.

Round about 10:00 pm, I peeked outside and guess what. There was a fire burning brightly in the chiminea.

Just my luck...

Here endeth the lesson.  That's for reading.

Your Blast From the Past


Your Daily Video

Max our Bernese Mountain Dog playing in the pool on a Sunday afternoon



Bye bye fur now

Thursday, 29 November 2018

29/Nov/18 always catching me when I am yawning


Good morning Cape Breton.

Maximus Handsomius here from my forever home.

When the BIg Guy got up this morning he was making coffee.  As he was looking outside, the entire sky flashed.  Then he could hear the thunder.  So yes, you can get a thunderstorm when it's snowing out.

There was a post that the Big Guy had done on facebook a few years back.  I thought I would take the time to share that post:

Originally posted 24th of October 2009


Some of you know, but a lot of you don't know... I am the cook and baker in the house. 

I did up a cherry cheese cake to surprise Tonya last week... Tonya was surprised alright... 
About 2 or maybe 2 1/2 years ago, (yes, I said years) we were grocery shopping and I seen this box on the store shelf to make cheesecake, and it is no bake. OK, easy peasy, right? Well each time I would get around to making it, I would always put it off.

I had received an email from Tonya via her BlackBerry that her customers were not very happy this day and that her day was kinda crappy. So I thought that I would have a nice surprise for her when she got home. I was looking around the cupboards to find some "comfort food" and I spotted the cheesecake box. This time, I was determined to make it. So Tonya was at work and I started to make this cheesecake. Now I wanted to make it a cherry cheesecake.

Any good cook will try to substitute one thing for another in "hopes" that it will add to the recipe.

I wanted to make a CHERRY cheesecake as Tonya said it was her favorite.

But I didn't have any cherry pie filling at home. But I did have a bottle of maraschino cherries at home. The bottle claimed that it was in a thick sauce. Bull shit. It wasn't. Friggin dollar store piece of crap.

OK, but I digress... back to the story...

Now when I opened the bags, yes, the box actually had little bags inside... bags of stuff to put in the mixing bowl. A wee bit of butter, a wee bit of milk. But as I was mixing I thought that it smelled a bit "off".

I don't usually worry about expiry dates. Expiry dates are a marketing item only to get you to clean out your cupboards, throw stuff out and get new stuff.

I emailed Tonya to let her know that she would be having cherry cheesecake for dessert when she got home. She was all excited. She came home and plowed thru supper, just itching to get at the cherry cheesecake.

Now, remember the maraschino cherries? This is step one to "The Cheesecake" incident.

When she put the pieces on the plate, oh, did I say "piece" of cherry cheesecake... no... this was like covering an entire side plate, the piece was that big. It must have been 6 inches by 6 inches. She REALLY wanted to have some cherry cheesecake. Again, I am off somewhere else, aren't I...

She thought that the cherry cheese cake had a bit of a weird smell, but didn't give it a lot of thought as she just thought perhaps one of the ingredients gave it this unique smell, or odor as it were. She cut us each a significant portion. Then we started to eat it.

Well...

It didn't taste right...

It was awful...

It was putrid...

The stuff in the package had absorbed all the taste of the spices and such over the last 2 and a 1/2 years that this box sat in the cupboard...

But Tonya didn't want to hurt my feelings and kept trying to eat it...

I didn't want to show Tonya that I fucked up, so I kept eating it...

We were both about gagging, and we kept eating it...

Tonya finally couldn't stand it and said that she couldn't finish. I agreed rather quickly. Tonya was actually trying to scrape her tongue off with her fork to get the taste out of her mouth.

We threw the entire pan of cherry cheesecake into the green bin outside.

Normally we have animals that will jump into the green bin to eat stuff that is in there. They have stayed away from our green bin for some reason. I guess they don't like putrid cherry cheese cake. Fussy fuckers, aren't they?

So... on Saturday, I was looking up recipes. I found a cherry cheesecake recipe. So I printed it off and then went to Sobey's to get the ingredients. Sunday morning at 5:00 am, I am up making a new cherry cheesecake. Tonya could hear the mixer and knew that I was making something. She knew that I bought stuff for cherry cheesecake and was hoping that this is what I was doing. She was right of course.

Well, look, this cherry cheesecake was the best she had ever eaten. If your a diabetic, stay away from this cherry cheesecake. It will friggin kill you!

Let me know if you want the recipe. It's no bake too...
This is my 3rd Cherry Cheese Cake that we made for our Octoberfest party
This is my 3rd Cherry Cheesecake that we made for our Oktoberfest partyPeople seen the tower of Cherry Cheese Cake and didn't want to eat any of it, because it just looked too nice
People seen the tower of Cherry Cheesecake and didn't want to eat any of it, because it just looked too niceOnce we started, my one nephew had about 7 or 8 pieces.  He said that it was the best Cherry Cheese Cake he ever had in his life.
Once we started, my one nephew had about 7 or 8 pieces. He said that it was the best Cherry Cheesecake he ever had in his life.
Here endeth the lesson.
Your Blast From the Past


Your Daily Video

Max our Bernese Mountain Dog having his apple



Bye bye fur now

Wednesday, 28 November 2018

28/Nov/18 all curled up and trying to sleep


Good morning Cape Breton.

Maximus Handsomius here from my forever home.

Nothing better than curling up into a tight ball of fur and just napping.  Although with the Big Guy, he doesn't curl up into a ball.  He lays out on the couch with a blanket and goes for a nap.  He will often get one of the spare blankets that is laying around and go for a nap.

He does this every morning.

He takes these blood pressure pills that puts him to sleep.  At least for a little bit. Not that he has to nap very long though.  Only 20 minutes and he's up once again.

I've also seen him just doze off while watching TV.  That annoys Tonya.  He will put on a movie that interests him, not her.  Then he sleeps through parts of it.

He has even dozed off while at the movies.  Now this isn't something that he does all the time.  It was only once.

The Big Guy says that he is really looking forward to when the car will drive itself on the highway.  He is pretty confident that he will doze off while the car is driving itself.  Much like when he is on a plane.  He isn't the pilot, so he will doze off.

A lot of people that were in the military will nap, pretty much in any position.  But this is due to their lack of sleep and they can nap at a moments notice.

Just like when he goes to bed.  He can be asleep in a few minutes.  He doesn't lay there in bed for a hour or more waiting to fall asleep.  He goes to bed, gets in a comfortable position and is asleep in about 4 to 5 minutes.

Your Blast From the Past


Your Daily Video

Max our Bernese Mountain Dog playing on the deck while the feral cats are fed


click on the picture to see the video

Bye bye fur now

Tuesday, 27 November 2018

27/Nov/18 paparazzi trying to get unwanted pictures of me


Good morning Cape Breton.

Maximus Handsomius here from my forever home.

So Cape Breton do you like the rain?  You better, cause were going to get some.  Well, more than just some.  Were due to get about 65 to 70 mm or rain for the next few days.  That's quite a bit.

The Big Guy just keeps on saying, glad it's not snow, glad it's not snow.  Over and over.

Last year was terrible if you enjoyed snow.  We hardly got any.  So if you worked at a ski resort, your business suffered last year.  Of if you sold shovels, or snow blowers.  Again, your business suffered last year.  Or if you have a snow plow and clean people's driveways.  Again, your business suffered last year.

This year looked promising for those people who's job depends on snow.  But now, with the rain, not so much for them.

Although it is MUCH worst if you work for General Motors company in Oshawa Ontario.  They have all lost their jobs.  That is going to hurt their city a lot.  The Big Guy was watching the news and the workers at the plant were saying that they are NOT going to allow General Motors to close their plant.  I don't think they have a lot of choice in the matter.

General Motors is saying that they are closing the plant due to them going to be making their electric vehicles.  Also, that they are no longer making their sedans.  That would likely be the Impala and the Malibu.

Then again, Ford Motor Company has stopped making their mid size cars.  Also, the Taurus, is no longer being sold to the public, but only to the police force.  They are going to be making trucks and electric vehicles.  Oh and the Escape.

Still haven't heard anything from Dodge.  But I'm sure we will hear from them soon enough.

Your Blast From the Past


Your Daily Video

Max our Bernese Mountain Dog has a treat in his bucket

Click on the picture to see the video

Bye bye fur now

Monday, 26 November 2018

26/Nov/18 this blanket is so soft on my fur


Good morning Cape Breton.

Maximus Handsomius here from my forever home.

So Tonya was running around most of the day yesterday, decorating the house.  She just wouldn't stop.  But then again, later in the day, she sure did stop.  So much so that she wasn't able to move.  She was in quite a bit of pain from over doing it too much.

The Big Guy put out the snow men and the candles.  One of the lasers still refuses to work.  But my non-furry Memere told the Big Guy, look and see if there isn't a fuse on the back.  He must check that.  He should also make sure that the "on/off" switch in in the "on" position.  Otherwise, no matter how much he plays with it, it will remain in the "off" state.

So we got a bunch of rain on the way.  That makes things right miserable.  The grass is brown.  The leaves have fallen from the trees.  Yup, just miserable.

The Big Guy doesn't mind the rain one bit though.  He keeps saying, you don't have to shovel the rain.  He thinks he is funny at times.  I don't tell him any different when he tells his "Dad jokes".

I'm pretty sure that the Big Guy is going to be putting up the Christmas Tree for Tonya.  Like it's such a big deal too.  The tree already has all the lights in it and it comes in three pieces.  Well, 4 if you include the stand.

Then that will be something else to be in my way of the window.  This decoration stuff is for the birds.

I wonder why, whenever something is out of the ordinary, people will say that it's for the birds?  Are the birds really that weird?

Your Blast From the Past


Your Daily Video

Max our Bernese Mountain Dog outside in the snow



Bye bye fur now

Sunday, 25 November 2018

25/Nov/18 I can be twisted like a pretzel


Good morning Cape Breton.

Maximus Handsomius here from my forever home.

Yesterday was kind of exciting for all the wrong reasons.  Both Tonya and the Big Guy were moving stuff around and putting up the Christmas Decorations.  There is stuff everywhere.

Plus, they are still NOT done yet.  They have more and more stuff that still needs to be put up.

We also went for a walk yesterday.  The Big Guy twisted his knee while we were walking.  That made for an uncomfortable day for him yesterday.  He didn't wrench it over.  Just while he was walking, his foot slipped and he hurt his knee a bit.  He continued walking, but at a slower pace than normal.

So we should be getting some rain this week.  No more snow for a bit.  I know the Big Guy is going to be happy about that.

Tonya has found the Christmas music channel on TV.  She leaves that playing for hours and hours at a time.  Thankfully the music is rather up beat.  I don't know what they are singing about, as I am a dog and only understand about 200 words.  So not everything they are saying gets though to me.

So yesterday, that darn laser light refused to work.  Yet, it worked the day prior.  The Big Guy is not too impressed with that laser light.  But when it does work, it does make a nice effect on the house.  I know last year, we had someone knock on the door.  She was saying that the Big Guy had a lot of patience and look at how he put all the lights on the house.  Then she was trying to touch them.  Tonya was telling her, it's a laser light.  Then she gave up and agreed, the Big Guy certainly did a nice job decorating.

Your Blast From the Past


Your Daily Video

Max our Bernese Mountain Dog is going to have snow for Christmas



Bye bye fur now

Saturday, 24 November 2018

24/Nov/18 can you get me a sandwich


Good morning Cape Breton.

Maximus Handsomius here from my forever home.

OK, so there is no snow in the immediate forecast.

This means that I will not be able to run though the freshly fallen snow and make snow angles.  Oh wait, that's humans that do that, not me.  I just mess up the fleshly fallen snow.

So the Big Guy has got a bit of a business going.  He's painting these crests.  He's got another order for his O Boat collection.  But now he's running out of paint.  He isn't sure where he can get more paint.

He knows he can get his paint from Amazon, but then with the weather, he will need to get them delivered to his work so that the paint doesn't freeze.

Do you know what my problems are?  An empty water dish or and empty food bowl.  That's my worry.  Another problem is that Tonya doesn't always bring me a treat from the store when she goes shopping.  This is a REAL problem for me.  Not for them, but for me.

The Big Guy and Tonya spent more than a few hours yesterday running around the house, moving this and moving that.  Then putting up lights and decorations in the windows.

OK, now this effects me.  Now I've got these candelabras in the windows.  The lights gets really hot.  I've got to be careful otherwise I'm going to burn my nose on one of those lights.  They are not like the LED lights that have no heat at all.

Your Blast From the Past


Your Daily Video

Max our Bernese Mountain Dog getting his Dog Gogglles on



Bye bye fur now

Friday, 23 November 2018

23/Nov/18 this bone is really good


Good morning Cape Breton.

Maximus Handsomius here from my forever home.

So we were watching a dog show yesterday.  The Big Guy was all excited that there was going to be a Bernese Mountain Dog.  That dog didn't win and was only on TV for about 4 to 5 seconds.  He was really upset with the program.

The Big Guy put out the lasers.  He's got them on a timer.  But one side refuses to work.  The Big Guy is reasonably sure it's the extension cord.  But because it was so cold out last night, he came back inside the house.  He said that he really didn't need to fix it just then.  Perhaps later today, he will fix it.  Who knows...  But not right now, he says that with the wind chill it's -15 C.  Too cold to just be messing around with extension cords.

This afternoon, or even tonight, the temp is supposed to get warmer.  So it will be more reasonable to be outside messing around with extension cords.

So the Big Guy was looking at the crests he was painting and ran out of one of the colors that he needs.  Well they went shopping yesterday and he got some new paint.  Well it's definitely the wrong shade.  So he had to go back.  This one is quite thin and doesn't cover all that well.  He's going to have to figure out something.  He should have started this hobby in the summer when he could have mail ordered the paints.  Then they wouldn't freeze.

I'm telling ya, he's got problems.  1st world problems, but problems none the less.

The Big Guy should stick to playing his XBox.  No issues there.

Your Blast From the Past


Your Daily Video

Max our Bernese Mountain Dog having a tough time with his bucket



Bye bye fur now

Thursday, 22 November 2018

22/Nov/18 mouse mouse ba ba ba bi big mouse


Good morning Cape Breton.

Maximus Handsomius here from my forever home.

We got a mouse that lives inside the walls.  I can hear him every so often.  But he doesn't come out to play.  Then again, there are a few traps down so we're going to get him one day.

Normally after the Big Guy catches the mouse, he puts the body outside for other scavengers to eat.

So the Big Guy found out that he was painting the crests incorrectly.  He was putting green and red maple leafs at the bottom of these ship's crests that he was painting.  Turns out, they should just be painted gold.  That means a little less work for him.  So he's pretty happy about that.

I looked outside this morning and I seen that it snowed last night.  Good thing that the Big Guy put out the laser lights last night.  Now he doesn't have to worry about trudging in the snow.  Now, they only have a few more items to put outside and they are all decorated for the outside of the house.  Then it will be to decorate INSIDE the house.

Last year, Tonya didn't really feel all that Christmasy.  Perhaps this year, she will.  I guess we will see once the decorations start coming down from the attic.  That's always a big job.  The Big Guy finds that they take down too much decorations and then never put them up.

He says that this is a 1st World Problem.

So, to my readers...  do you decorate your house for Christmas?  Of even then, do you even celebrate Christmas?  I've heard that not everyone does.  That this is mostly a Christian holiday.  There are some religions that don't celebrate Christmas.  They have their own special holidays.

Your Blast From the Past


Your Daily Video

Max our Bernese Mountain Dog finds an old XMas bough



Bye bye fur now

Wednesday, 21 November 2018

21/Nov/18 when I was smaller, I didn't cover as many tiles


Good morning Cape Breton.

Maximus Handsomius here from my forever home.

So when I first moved into this house, obviously I was much smaller.  Because of my much smaller size, I didn't cover as may tiles when I would be laying across the kitchen floor.  Now, when I'm in the kitchen, my humans HAVE to walk around me to get anywhere.

I've seen it where they don't want to disturb me, so they will walk back though the living room to walk in the other entrance to the kitchen so as not to bother me while I'm laying on the kitchen floor.

But that doesn't always work.

Especially with the Big Guy.  He will walk into the kitchen and he will nudge me with his foot.  Saying one word: MOVE

You bet it's time to move too.  He doesn't mess around too much.  When he wants me to move, well, it's time to move.

So I try to make a big production of me moving out of the way.

I will make sure to scramble my paws on the tile for maximum effect.

I will also do a shoulder check to make it seem like I'm trying to get out to the way like he's got some road rage or something like that.

That's normally when Tonya will come to my rescue and will get upset with the Big Guy for getting me to move.

It's a game that I love to play.

Your Blast From the Past


Your Daily Video

Max our Bernese Mountain Dog doing a dance with Tonya



Bye bye fur now